November 2003 Archives

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed.

After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about baseball?"

She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut 'It' off?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"What was the most painful part?"

Read and Learn

The husband had just finished reading the book, MAN OF THE HOUSE. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

As if it wasn't hard enough being called a 'b*tch' all the time; now you dress me up as an old drunken hooker.

Though I have provided all the evidence in the world, perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly: I am a dog. I am NOT a CHILD.

Maybe its me, I'm a little messed up maybe. But I'm funny how? I mean, funny, like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to amuse you? Whaddya mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

Oy vey. If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment: Thou shall not desecrate one's pet.

What is wrong with you. Seriously. Did you not get enough love as a child? Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking? I hope the house gets burgurlized tonight.

I suppose it could have been worse. You could've put me in a hair net so I'd look exactly like you do in the mornings. Oh... wait... you did.

And I thought the bunny suit was bad... What am I now? A Dogglebee? Please stop. Please.

Dang it. How am I going to get a girl when I look like I'm being strangled by a cartoon cat?

HISTORY TEST
Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually happened!!!

   Do you remember?

   1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
   a. Superman
   b. Jay Lenno
   c. Harry Potter
   d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

   2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were
   kidnapped and massacred by
   a. Olga Corbett
   b. Sitting Bull
   c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
   a. Lost Norwegians
   b. Elvis
   c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were
   kidnapped in Lebanon by:
   a. John Dillinger
   b. The King of Sweden
   c. The Boy Scouts
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was
   blown up by:
   a. A pizza delivery boy
   b. Pee Wee Herman
   c. Geraldo Rivera
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was
   hijacked and a 70 year old American
   passenger was murdered and thrown
   overboard in his wheelchair by:
   a. The Smurfs
   b. Davy Jones
   c. The Little Mermaid
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens,
   and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers
   was murdered by:
   a. Captain Kidd
   b. Charles Lindberg
   c. Mother Teresa
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
   a. Scooby Doo
   b. The Tooth Fairy
   c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
   a. Richard Simmons
   b. Grandma Moses
   c. Michael Jordan
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
   a. Mr. Rogers
   b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from
   Wild Bill' s women problems
   c. The World Wrestling Federation
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles
   to
   take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one
   crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by
   the
   passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
   a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
   b. The Supreme Court of Florida
   c. Mr. Bean
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   12.In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
   a. Enron
   b. The Lutheran Church
   c. The NFL
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
   a. Bonnie and Clyde
   b. Captain Kangaroo
   c. Billy Graham
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

   Nope, .....I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?

   So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen   with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone because of profiling.

   Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves -if they have any such sense.

   As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does."

   Come on people wake up!!!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

Submitted by Debbie M.

What Our Pets Do When We're at work

Death of a Legend

"Let's see the little shit sell Insurance now!"

Submitted by Sharon

Great Ladie's Quotes

Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house..
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-

Submitted by Linnea

Translating the bible

DO YOU RECALL ANYTHING FROM THE NEW & OLD TESTAMENT? iF SO , YOU WILL GET A KICK OUT OF THESE TEST ANSWERS FROM SCHOOL KIDS..UNTOUCHED OR EDITED... PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.

IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BE RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED.

INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO wAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY

Things that make you say "Holy Cow!"

Loving Winter

Submitted by Debby D.

Best Diet Ever!!
A friend of mine is a nurse and talked to me about the Atkins Diet, Jenny Craig, Weight
Watchers, and the latest of course, The South Beach Diet. Seems the major goal people
want to accomplish this coming year (2005) is to lose weight. Since she is a nurse, she has
done a lot of study and research on dieting. I TRULY think she has found the real answer
to weight loss, the "Don Key Diet."

And it is so SIMPLE..... I don't know why,
I wasn't smart enough to figure this out for myself !!!

Submitted by Marcia

Multi-Tasking

Submitted by Sharon

Calvin's Snowmen

Submitted by Sharon

Crazy Pics

Stupid Tourist Pics

ANNUAL IDIOT AWARDS

Number One Idiot of 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2004
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2004
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote "This iz a stikkup. Put all muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2004
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21. " The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At that point, the robber
took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Five of 2004
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2004
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Lexan. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.

Give him his sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2004
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Sign please

Submitted by Debbie M.

Why People Hate Class Reunions

Submitted by VJ

THE STRING AND THE SPOON

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well, "he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoon! s per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant.

That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

Submitted by Debby D.

Inventions

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1.. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2.. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4.. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5.. And the maintenance costs are enormous!;

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it:

"Well, it may be true that my Invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Amen Brother!!!

Submitted by Melody

QUOTE OF THE YEAR

Nominated for 'Quote of the Year' is the statement made by Texas Congressman Dick Armey when asked, "If you had been in President Clinton's place, would you have resigned?"

Armey's reply: "If I had been in the president's place I would not have gotten the chance to resign. I would have been lying in a pool of my own blood, looking up, and listening to my wife ask, 'How do you reload this, you son of a bitch?'"

Submitted by Marcia

Remarkable Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr.
   Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he
   was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

   He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing
   when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and
   that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound
   financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable
   parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

   His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but
   overbearing regulations were set in place. - Reports of a six-year-old
   boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
   suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
   fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

   Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
   parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not
   inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
   abortion.

   Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments
   became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received
   better treatment than their victims.

   Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize
   that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and
   was awarded a huge financial settlement.

   Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his
   wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
   is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

   Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for:

Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat the shit out of him.

E y e - T a l i a n
To all my Italian friends and family, and a few who are not - enjoy! and if you are from Brooklyn, New Jursey, or Long Eyeland, you'll really appreciate this!

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.

You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit
two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant,
travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block.
All five of those cousins are named after your
grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9",
it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "cappicola", "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

And you understand "bada bing

Cyanide
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs  some
cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you  need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her  husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I  can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the  law! I'll
lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds  of bad
things will happen!  Absolutely not, you can NOT have any  cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a  picture of her
husband  in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The  pharmacist looked at
the picture and  replied, "Well now, you  didn't tell me you had a
prescription !"